Inner child work is a topic that often takes people by surprise as they begin their spiritual and healing journey. This topic often takes people by surprise especially those in the Black community because our inner child is the center that holds the trauma we remembered and or blocked out. In order to heal we have to address parts that we were told didn’t harm us. Often gaslighted by those in our family and community that the things that harmed us aren’t what we think and that we should be grateful for everything that we received. Even if what we received was pain and questions that will never be answered or explained. Our inner child was silenced and as you are healing you have to work with them to find their voice and to show them they now have a safe place within you. With different techniques there are ways to address our inner child wounds and work through them over time. Our inner child is someone you will not be able to ignore if you want to build a deeper connection to self and spirit.
This part of shadow work is often discussed but not really broken down to explain how deep and dark it can get at times for us. Our inner child work doesn’t just involve our own inner childhood trauma, it involves our parents, community and ancestors. Intergenerational trauma is real and it can continue to appear through lineages until it has been addressed and worked through. With our inner child being the center of where our trauma is held it is important to work on changing our inner voice. The inner voice that tends to creep up and tell us all the negative things until we believe it. Ways of addressing the inner voice first is mirror work. Speaking to the mirror with affirmations and affirming your inner child that they are safe and secure is important. Another thing we have to remember is that this process does not have to be alone, often times we uncover trauma that was buried in and I suggest working through this with a therapist. It has been an amazing tool for me as I’ve done this work.
Ways of bonding with your inner child can be coloring, dancing, watching childhood shows, playing and etc. In order to really find out what your inner child would like is by reacquainting yourself with little you. What foods did you like? What were the smells that often surrounded you? What did you like to play? How did you like your snacks made? These things may sound easy but it is something that often stumps people as they do the work including myself. Having to tap into your inner child and let go by being childlike and free is something that often times we were not allowed to experience. If you do not know what you enjoyed as a child that is okay. Doing childlike activities and trying out different things is something that you can do that will help with your shadow work.
Giving yourself space to turn off from the world and sit in joy is just as much as work as the other things I’ve listed. One of the ways I’ve been doing my own inner child work has been watching early 2000’s commercials to help bring back memories since I don’t remember a lot of my childhood. Other ways have been playing with play-doh, singing out loud and bouncing on my exercise ball (random I know but just bounce on it and tell me you didn’t giggle just a little :)?) It takes courage to bond and continuously do inner child work and it is not easy so please remember to enjoy this journey.
Enjoy the moments that you feel joy shoot through you as nice memories of you as a kid doing those things play out. My experience with inner child healing has revealed that there are layers to my healing and that is okay. My first layer was addressing that I had inner child wounds and getting to know her. I did this by meditating with rose quartz, amethyst, lapis lazuli, black tourmaline and citrine. Rose quartz to put on my heart chakra, amethyst for crown chakra, lapis lazuli for throat chakra, black tourmaline for root chakra and citrine for sacral chakra. Giving myself space and meditating for the hour brought me in a dark room with her. She was so scared, her little body shaking in the corner. I had to sit with her in the dark and coax her. After a while she spoke and whew, I had to keep myself in the space to listen as she revealed I need to address why I self-harmed. Something I often minimized in my life or ignored but there it was. A deep dark secret that I didn’t realize had imprinted into me until she mentioned it.
I had to sit with her as she went through parts of my child hood, toured through old homes and events that hurt me. The first layer was addressing the wounds I had and affirming myself and her that they weren’t “small wounds” and that they have affected me to this day and I shouldn’t feel as if it doesn’t matter. Those events that hurt me mattered. My feelings mattered. My voice mattered. It’s easier than it looks to remind yourself everyday but as you continue to do the work and address the layers over time you feel the heaviness inside of you start to dissipate, trust me.
There will always be layers to healing because it is not linear. As I’ve been on my journey the one thing that has remained clear to me is that healing is a lifetime journey. There isn’t a finish line or a rush and there shouldn’t be. Healing is for YOU. If you are not healing for yourself you will always find yourself back at square one. The wounds have to be addressed and re-bandaged with care in order to move forward and inner child work is the start to being on a path to a healthier you overall.
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